I know I haven't been that diligent in updating my blogs. And this is the very reason why I am moving out of blogspot - well at least for now. I will still try to blog but within a different home. Tumblr is adapting my life starting today and I hope that I will be there to stay for quite some time. There's also an iPhone app that serves as its client which I can use to quickly post anything that comes up.
I am quite excited for this change. I just hope I can keep it up.
So, if you happened to be reading my previous entries here in blogspot, please follow me to Tumblr - http://mervindizon.tumblr.com.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Is it worth it???
I have been asking this myself the whole day today. Do I really have something to gain from all the Lifestyle Changes I've set? I say I do...but it keeps me wondering that is it worth changing my lifestyle if it means losing some of my already scarce friends? I have been declining invites to go out lately, and I'm pretty sure some of them may have already taken it personally.
But then again, I think of all people they should understand. They should respect what I have decided to go through right now. I expect them to support me. I expect them to at least accept my decision. If not, well...let's not think about that.
Anyway, I just needed to let this out. I still believe there's something big in it for amidst all these changes. Miracles still do happen, I think...
But then again, I think of all people they should understand. They should respect what I have decided to go through right now. I expect them to support me. I expect them to at least accept my decision. If not, well...let's not think about that.
Anyway, I just needed to let this out. I still believe there's something big in it for amidst all these changes. Miracles still do happen, I think...
Monday, October 4, 2010
Let It Rain
shout it out
i can't hold back no more
i let it out
all these feelings that were trapped inside
i was frozen everytime
i looked in your eyes
clear my head
from all the cluttered things
i should've said
that wasn't me
no i can't live like that
I'm waking up and there is no
looking back
every little tear
i was scared to cry
everyting i feared but i kept inside
i don't wanna hold it back one more day
wash it away, every tiny thought clouding up my head
every single word that i never said
i refuse to feel ashamed
let it rain...
let it rain...
clear the sky
i start to breathe again
nothing to hide
let you through to who
i am inside
every layer
'til you get underneath my skin
let you in...let you in
i can't hold back no more
i let it out
all these feelings that were trapped inside
i was frozen everytime
i looked in your eyes
clear my head
from all the cluttered things
i should've said
that wasn't me
no i can't live like that
I'm waking up and there is no
looking back
every little tear
i was scared to cry
everyting i feared but i kept inside
i don't wanna hold it back one more day
wash it away, every tiny thought clouding up my head
every single word that i never said
i refuse to feel ashamed
let it rain...
let it rain...
clear the sky
i start to breathe again
nothing to hide
let you through to who
i am inside
every layer
'til you get underneath my skin
let you in...let you in
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Insensitive...
I am almost always amazed at how some people who have hurt you in the past can think that everything's fine and that you're still friends. Moreso, people whom you consider as exes (and exes from a not so nice separation) can be so casual in dealing with you like nothing have happened. Yes, I agree that I should have already moved on. And don't get me wrong, I have. It's just that exes are exes. They are not meant to be befriended. You can forgive them but you have to forget them completely. Should I just remove him from my Facebook friends list?
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Just cause...
So what if I came clean
And told you all you mean to me
So what if I meant every word I said
Don't let it go to your head
So what if I write your name
'Cause you're always on my brain
In a heart I paint it crimson red
Don't let it go to your head
Don't be getting any big ideas
Let me make it clear
Just 'cause I can't go on
Just 'cause I die when you're gone
And just 'cause I think of you in bed
Don't let it go to your head
If I looked in your eyes
One, two, too many times
And memorized every word you said
Don't let it go to your head
So what if I want to kiss
From your toes up to your lips?
It don't mean that you've had me yet
You're gonna be good, I bet
I'm the one who's in control here
Let me make it clear
Oh, now you think you've got me?
Well...I'm gonna get you
Now you think you can touch me?
Well...I'm gonna let you
And told you all you mean to me
So what if I meant every word I said
Don't let it go to your head
So what if I write your name
'Cause you're always on my brain
In a heart I paint it crimson red
Don't let it go to your head
Don't be getting any big ideas
Let me make it clear
Just 'cause I can't go on
Just 'cause I die when you're gone
And just 'cause I think of you in bed
Don't let it go to your head
If I looked in your eyes
One, two, too many times
And memorized every word you said
Don't let it go to your head
So what if I want to kiss
From your toes up to your lips?
It don't mean that you've had me yet
You're gonna be good, I bet
I'm the one who's in control here
Let me make it clear
Oh, now you think you've got me?
Well...I'm gonna get you
Now you think you can touch me?
Well...I'm gonna let you
Thursday, September 23, 2010
respite...a cutter's promise
respite...respite...all i need is respite...
there may never be peace but a fleeting breath may soothe the suffocation there is beneath all this masquerade.
i am tired...restless...beaten...
my labyrinth is moving ahead of me - unknowingly reeling me through its web.
ironic, you say...i have just been uttering sensations of realization for the past days, and yet here i am all wrapped up by lies and fallacies.
i am darkened...almost consumed by the gloom of my faith...and once again, the relief promised by the sharpness of the blade leaks through my veins...shivering with the chill of the metal caressing my forearm...
respite...respite...all i need is respite...
and the promise of this blade will be shattered...as i hearten the promise to myself...
that is...to live...
there may never be peace but a fleeting breath may soothe the suffocation there is beneath all this masquerade.
i am tired...restless...beaten...
my labyrinth is moving ahead of me - unknowingly reeling me through its web.
ironic, you say...i have just been uttering sensations of realization for the past days, and yet here i am all wrapped up by lies and fallacies.
i am darkened...almost consumed by the gloom of my faith...and once again, the relief promised by the sharpness of the blade leaks through my veins...shivering with the chill of the metal caressing my forearm...
respite...respite...all i need is respite...
and the promise of this blade will be shattered...as i hearten the promise to myself...
that is...to live...
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Realizing what I really like...
Today, it suddenly dawned on me that I really want to be in my field. Come to think of it, it has always been lingering in my mind - short of having the worst regret on staying in my current company. Everything just went into place - the plan, the timeline, everything. So here it is:
I asked my manager for a transfer to another project - a less stressful one. The timeline I gave him is that latest May, I should already have moved. Reason for this is that I really would like to finally pursue my MS degree next school year. I will not be able to be in a masters' school if I am still as stressed as I am right now. Now, I am just thinking if I will go to DLSU or UP-Diliman - that's something I will have to think about in the next months. Then there is the PMP certification exam that I am about to take by the end of this month.
MS Degree, PMP Certification, actual project management experience topped by almost 8 years of work experience - all of these I hope will increase my chances of landing a high position in either the oil or manufacturing industry. I can't afford to go back to square one and settle for a merely starter's pay - not with my current responsibilities and, yes, lifestyle.
Now, how did my manager take this? Of course, not too well. He said he respects my decision and long term planning but it's rather obvious even in just an email that he's very disappointed. I know he already has plans for me in the project but it's just not what I want anymore. I can't find any reason to work anymore aside from having to earn a living. He setup a one-on-one meeting on October 15, more like giving me a few weeks to think about all of this. And this is where my weakness comes into place. I will have to pray to Him to enlighten me during the course of this reflection. I need to know fully if this is really what I want - no regrets or at least be prepared to accept the regrets that'll come.
In the end, this is somehow part of the process of finding myself. I have been so lost and it's about time to get back on track and be the Mervin that was 10 years ago - when all I knew and thought about was how to add to my achievements and accomplishments. It's about time to quit being complacent because this just not the real Mervin.
May God help me in this struggle - that is my journey.
I asked my manager for a transfer to another project - a less stressful one. The timeline I gave him is that latest May, I should already have moved. Reason for this is that I really would like to finally pursue my MS degree next school year. I will not be able to be in a masters' school if I am still as stressed as I am right now. Now, I am just thinking if I will go to DLSU or UP-Diliman - that's something I will have to think about in the next months. Then there is the PMP certification exam that I am about to take by the end of this month.
MS Degree, PMP Certification, actual project management experience topped by almost 8 years of work experience - all of these I hope will increase my chances of landing a high position in either the oil or manufacturing industry. I can't afford to go back to square one and settle for a merely starter's pay - not with my current responsibilities and, yes, lifestyle.
Now, how did my manager take this? Of course, not too well. He said he respects my decision and long term planning but it's rather obvious even in just an email that he's very disappointed. I know he already has plans for me in the project but it's just not what I want anymore. I can't find any reason to work anymore aside from having to earn a living. He setup a one-on-one meeting on October 15, more like giving me a few weeks to think about all of this. And this is where my weakness comes into place. I will have to pray to Him to enlighten me during the course of this reflection. I need to know fully if this is really what I want - no regrets or at least be prepared to accept the regrets that'll come.
In the end, this is somehow part of the process of finding myself. I have been so lost and it's about time to get back on track and be the Mervin that was 10 years ago - when all I knew and thought about was how to add to my achievements and accomplishments. It's about time to quit being complacent because this just not the real Mervin.
May God help me in this struggle - that is my journey.
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